Lights on..lights off?

I started thinking about various topics that people have asked me to write about and I have kind of condensed them all into this blog post.  So here are some of my thoughts about sex and love and toys and lingerie and whatever else I feel like throwing in the mix...hope you enjoy it!

I think the world is broken up into two groups...those that like to have sex with the lights on (men) or those that like to have sex with the lights off (women).  Now, how do we bring those two groups together and keep everyone happy and horny?  Well..candles! They cast a gorgeous glow, and they give off enough light that you can still see all the action and glorious parts of your partner.  But, what if you don't want to light candles for whatever reason.  There are flameless candles that also give off a lovely glow without being glaring.  The main reason women like having sex with the lights off is that they can concentrate on you instead of their jiggly parts that they think you may find unattractive.  So, I say this, if you want sex with the lights on...then tell your partner how beautiful they are, how much they turn you on and how sexy you find their body.  Women are creatures that need reassurance.  We are constantly barraged by a media that shows us that only tall and very thin women are sexy, so when we don't stack up against that picture in our head, we become insecure.  Insecurity leads to lights out.  Only YOU can change that for us, you can reassure us that you only see the good things about our bodies and never the bad. 

I might say my butt is too big, but if you ever want to see my ass in the light, you best not agree.  I know men will shake their heads at this, but honestly it would be the same thing if you said your dick was too small and we agreed, from that point on you'd be self conscious...same thing.  Partners should lift each other's egos up..not beat them down.  We might both know my butt is too big..but what do you gain out of saying it and hurting my feelings? Nothing..so the next time your woman asks if her ass is too big, just say NO.

Also,  you can earn big brownie points if you set the mood for your woman.  Put out a few candles, put on some low music and fix the bed so the blankets aren't all over the place.  She'll see you put in some effort and you might just find she's in the mood to mess those blankets up with you.  Women love it when men put thought into things, and don't just go through the motions.  We love it in our gifts as well.  If you buy us a charm bracelet that has meaning..a few charms that have special meaning then she will absolutely melt into a puddle of love.  However, if you hand her a shirt..something that took no thought and has no meaning, she is going to hate it.  She will probably smile and thank you, but you can rest assured, she will hate it.  One place men go wrong is that they think that a gift has to be extravagant to count.  Which just isn't true.  Its not about the price tag, but about the thought behind it.  Something as small as a card, not for any special occassion can make her day.  A single rose ($2) left on her car seat just to make her smile when she leaves for work.  Or buying a few flameless candles for the headboard of the bed so you can have some light in the cave of your bedroom during sex are all things that women see as romantic and loving. 

One thing women aren't is quick change artists...by that I mean, we can't go from "mommy mode" to "sex kitten mode" at the drop of a hat.  We need some change over time.  That time can be something as simple as laying beside us in bed, talking to us while you gently rub our arm or our thigh...or snuggling us up on your chest and stroking our back as you talk.  Something about the vibrations of a male voice when her head is on his chest is just so sexy (at least in my book!)  It can be, giving her a few minutes for a hot shower as you fix the bedroom and set the mood.  It will all pay off when what you get is that sex kitten that walks into the bedroom where 20 minutes before it was a harried  housewife. 

Another thing, while I'm thinking about it...lingerie.  Women love getting lingerie as a surprise sexy gift, but only if its pretty sexy lingerie and not stripper lingerie.  We want something that we feel sexy in and that might not always jive with your idea of wanting to see us in a black leather thong and peekaboo nipple bra.  So, the next time you buy your woman lingerie...try thinking about something she'd really like.  A pretty silky chemise, or a matching bra and panty set (buy the version of panties that she usually wears, thongs/boyshorts/briefs).  Heck, a big fluffy soft fuzzy robe can be sexy when she is out of the shower with nothing on but it...and it would probably tickle her pink too.  There are a lot of options out there, and that isn't to say you can't ever buy her raunchy lingerie...just add in a few things that are just for her instead of for you along the way. 

Now you have her in bed, how do you spice things up?  If you have never tried toys with your partner, bring in something like a small fingertip vibrator, then finger her as normal, allowing the vibrations to really push her orgasm over the edge.  Or try a blindfold and feather, only touching her body with the feather.  They sale flavored body oils..which you will probably want no part of because they taste awful..but a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup can be a lot of fun.  Blindfold your partner and put a few dots of chocolate syrup in spots around your body and then have him find them with his mouth then vice versa.  Take a washable marker and draw on each other's bodies...it will make you laugh, it will make you horny and its just a way of adding fun into your sex life.  Too often we think that sex has to be incredibly intense and emotional and we forget that it can just be FUN. 

On that note, not every time you "make love" is it going to be this big production and all this emotion.  Sometimes it can just be a quick hard fast fuck and a smile and then you both fix your clothes and finish your day.  Women tend to think that sex needs to always be romantic and about making love and they forget that sometimes it can be simply about the physical release it gives.  It doesn't mean your partner loves you any less if they catch you in the kitchen, put you on the counter and fuck you so hard all you can do is moan.  It simply means that they saw you, they wanted you, they took you. There is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, you should feel awesome that  you can inspire that kind of lust and hunger in  your man!! Now, that shouldn't be every encounter, because making love is important too as a way of emotionally reconnecting partners, but every now and then its okay just to fuck. 

One more topic before I go...fetish's.  Say your man  has a foot fetish, or ass fetish or whatever.  I will say this, if you ridicule that fetish he won't share it with you...but he will find someone that he can share it with.  A fetish is more than just a sexual fantasy, it is a sexual need and often the desire to fulfill that need will drive him to look for an avenue for it that is accepting.  I say this, if he has a foot fetish, so what...enjoy getting a pedicure and wearing cute as hell shoes, knowing that its turning your man on (you are so lucky!).  Let him give you warm lotion foot rubs and if you use your pretty manicured toes to tease his cock then good for you..and him!  Think about this...is it a fetish that hurts anyone? Is it a fetish that is illegal? Is it a fetish that goes against your morals or values?  If not..then what is it going to hurt to indulge it?  So, your man doesn't have a foot fetish..instead he has a domination fetish, what is a girl to do?  Jump in and try out  your best dominatrix role.  Sex is about compromise and sharing and pleasing your partner.  Just because you have never done something before doesn't mean you can't do it now.

In a rut?..REIGNITE!

If you have been in a relationship for a while, its easy to fall into a rut. You know what your partner likes so you do it the same every time. After a while, you'd rather watch TV than have sex. What you need to do is REIGNITE the lust in your relationship!! Here are a few ideas from the romantic to the naughty!

Women are romantic creatures by heart. So, set the mood!! Buy some scented candles, put them around the bedroom and light them! We look especially lovely by candlelight (one of the reasons we love candles so much!) If you want to do the whole rose petal on the floor thing...I'd suggest buying the paper ones used for weddings at wal-mart, they are super cheap and look very realistic (keep them far away from the candles!). They won't, however, mash into your carpet or leave stains on your floor. Plus, you can save the money you'd have spent to deconstruct roses for their petals and give her a gorgeous bouquet of them instead. Women love things we can show off to other women. Flowers at work, with a card saying how much you love us...is usually enough to spice things up for an evening. But, what if you need to shake things up for longer than just a night?

Then talk to your partner about role playing. Every night you can play out a new scenario. One she can be a naughty nurse and you a patient needing a sponge bath. Or you can be a sexy Cop and she can be your lusty arrestee. Or, you can be the pool guy, construction worker, mailman ...she can be your french maid, or your librarian. As you can see, the roles are limited only by your imagination. You can add costumes/wigs if you desire. You can pretend to be strangers and "pick each other up" in a bar and go to a hotel for a night of lusty fun. Or, if role playing isn't your style...

Then you can share fantasies. Women tend to fantasize about scenarios. This is why romance novels sell so well! We love a romantic sexy story. Men however, tend to fantasize about the actual act. So, each share a fantasy. You might find that his is sexy as hell and that hers makes you throb! Don't think that just because a man/woman has a certain fantasy that they ever want to act it out. A fantasy is a harmless way of letting our imaginations run wild. It doesn't mean that you ever want to be that "damsel being taken by a group of hightway men" or that he wants to be the guy that "sneaks into the Bunny House for a night of fun with the latest playmate". So, when it comes to fantasies...don't judge. Listen to your partner and just enjoy their thought process! It doesn't reflect on you or the relationship. A fantasy is JUST a fantasy.

You can also bring a toy into the mix. Although, you might want to find out if your partner is receptive to this beforehand. You might find that a vibrator adds not only a new sensation for both of you, but its a lot of fun and can open other doors of exploration in the toy realm. There are Adult Toy Stores in almost every city in America, they are typically clean and well lighted with multiple displays of products. They aren't always a seedy, dark hole in the wall where you feel like you need to bathe in sanitizer the moment you walk out. But, if you aren't brave enough to actually go into one, then there is always the internet. Most companies ship sex products in plain boxes, with no identifying information on them...which allows you to keep your sex life private from the UPS guy as well as a possibly nosey neighbor.

You can also explore other avenues of sex. You can try threesomes or bondage or domination and submission. You can try different positions or places. When it comes to reigniting the flame, you can try one or try them all. However, nothing will ever be as powerful as good communication. With good communication between you and your partner, you can talk about your sexual relationship and how to spice it up. You can discuss new things to try and even find out that he or she has a few ideas that you didn't think about! Sex should be FUN, its one of the joys of being an adult. You and your partner deserve a fun and satisfying sex life! Happy Fucking!

Via Yany's EroticPics

Via Yany's EroticPics

Threesomes one too many, or extra fun?

Threesomes are a common fantasy among men. Almost every porn plays on this fantasy of two hot women and one very lucky man. However, there is also the two guy and one girl version. I say, whichever way you play it out..you need to be glad you have such an open and sexual partner! Because, this isn't as common in real life as porn likes to make it seem.

Lets hit on the biggest one, 2 girls and 1 guy. This is one that almost every guy hopes will eventually come true for them. There is something so hot about the private peep show of two women licking and kissing each other, and then they get to jump into the action and get the pleasure of two different pussies. They can go from a fly on the wall, watching two very sexy women, to being the center of attention stud! For men, this just doesn't get any better!

The other version is 2 men and 1 woman. This can also be sexy, because you are getting to share your hot woman usually with a buddy. You know he's going to be so envious of you getting to pound her pussy every night, after getting just a taste. The sight of a woman on all 4's with a cock in her mouth and pussy at the same time just seems to drive men crazy.

So, we know both of these scenarios are HOT HOT HOT. But, is there any downside? Yes, there is. The biggest is that women equate sex with emotion, while men can have sex just for the physical pleasure of it. So, for a woman it is harder to distance herself emotionally than it is for a man. There can be jealousy and insecurity with any of the scenarios. For the 2 girls/1 guy version, if her partner treats the 3rd person as a "new toy" and spends more time fucking or licking her than you, it can cause your woman to feel you wish you were with the other woman instead, she might end up feeling like a third wheel. You never want that to happen. If you choose to go down this path, I will make a few suggestions...

First, let her choose the other female..without any input from you. If you are saying.."Hey what about your friend ___, she's hot?!" She's going to think that all this time you've wanted to fuck her friend, and now she's going to watch your interaction anytime you are together like a hawk! If you're a woman, you need to be comfortable licking another woman's pussy. Because, he will expect to see you licking her slit and vice versa as part of the action. This is about the "show" as much as the actual sex. He's getting a peek into the girl on girl action that all men think about, but not all get to see.

For the 2 guys and 1 girl. Make sure that you allow him to choose the other person as well. With guys they want you to be a hot sex kitten during this interaction. Its not just about the sexual aspect but the very male instinct to show another man how good he's got it! He wants you to rock their worlds, so he can brag forever about how awesome you are in the sack and know that his buddy wishes he had you. For a guy its kind of about keeping up with the Jones' mentality. Wanting to have something "better/sexier/hotter" than his buddy has. So, in this scenario, you should feel hot as hell..because you can rest assured that your man thinks you are, or you wouldn't be there with a cock in both holes! On a side note, if you're a woman, and you choose to do this scenario...expect to get a cock in your ass. It will most likely happen, and you really don't want that to be your first anal experience, because during this threesome, men are usually too fired up and horny to be as gentle as you would need.

If you agree to participate in any version of a threesome, then I say to let loose and enjoy the experience, because you may choose to never do it again. If you find that you or your partner gets jealous...then be glad that you've had the opportunity at least once, and don't push the issue for a repeat performance. These scenarios require a huge amount of trust and communication between you and your partner. They can enhance a strong relationship, or collapse a weak one. But, in any case you must be willing to reassure your partner that they are the one you REALLY want. So, to that I say...Happy Fucking!

Via Yany's EroticPics

Via Yany's EroticPics

Getting a woman...caveman style!

This is a blog post from my other site www.yogachikk.wordpress.com hope you enjoy it! :)

Men are constantly saying that they don't understand women. I say..what is not to understand?! Women are simple creatures and we are easily impressed. Just think of our cavewomen ancestors, what did it take to make one swoon..and no, I'm not talking about a knock on the noggin' with a club. Her caveman protected, provided and got freaky under the bearskin blankets. A very simple strategy that still works today!

Since we aren't in caveman times, how do you use these simple concepts today to impress a woman? Lets start with PROTECT. First of all, you aren't saving us from a saber tooth tiger, so how do you show that you will protect us? How about giving us your coat when we are cold. Or holding the umbrella more over our head than yours when it rains. You can take her hand when another man is looking at her like fresh meat. You can make sure our car has a full tank of gas (or, at least half a tank with today's gas prices!) You can remember when the car needs an oil change, or fix a flat tire for us. You can open our car doors, and yes..we know we can do that ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with being a gentleman too!

Next, is PROVIDE. Okay, in this day and age..men aren't always hunters and women aren't always the gatherers, sometimes the women are the hunters and the men are gatherers! But, that doesn't mean that we need this any less. You can provide for us in many ways and not just financially. You can help with the housework and childcare (don't gasp, men can do this stuff too!) You can bring us tissues and chicken noodle soup when we are sick, and not use it as a day to watch football 24\7 because we are too sick to come into the living room and bother you. Comfort us when we are sad and actually listen when we talk about our day, yes you might think its boring..but trust us, we listen to some boring stuff about yours too. I didn't say this was going to be easy, there will have to be compromises and sacrifices. But, if you want to reach the third level..getting freaky under the bear skin blankets then these are crucial.

Now, to the best part, the getting FREAKY! We all want and need the comfort of another person's touch. That being said, this can be the most anxiety producing moment in a relationship. Without our clothes we are stripped bare of all of our wordly armor. We can only suck in our bellies so much. We can't hide our cellulite or the fact that gravity hasn't been all that kind to our boobs and butts. So, we stand there..wondering if you are noticing all these things. Look us in the eye..and tell us we are beautiful. We don't need elaborate compliments. We just need to know that you don't see our flaws. We want a man that is simply consumed by love and lust for us..that shouldn't be hard, right? ;)
So, the next time you think women are just too confusing. Or you don't know how to catch that hottie's eye that you've been crushing on..its simple. Just think..what would a caveman do?

Suck it like you mean it!

I recently did a post called "Lick it like you mean it!" about eating pussy, so I decided to follow it up with the male version about blow jobs! I don't believe there is a man on this planet that doesn't love having his cock sucked. It is one of the things that if you polled 1000 men...999.5 would say they'd like their partner to give them more blow jobs. There is something about the sight of a woman's lips around a man's cock that just drive them wild. If you don't believe me, watch a porn video, most of the action is oral..lots of close ups of women sucking cock. Yet for some reason, a lot of women don't enjoy sucking cock. So, this is what I think about that...

If you want your woman to suck your cock, then you might need to think about how you approach this activity with her. When she is sucking, do you encourage her actions with your moans and movements? Do you try to make her "deep throat" you by shoving into her mouth until she is gagging? Do you give her warning before you cum so she can choose to spit or swallow? Are you rough or gentle? Often times the reason a woman doesn't enjoy giving a blow job is because of the interaction between her and her partner during it.

Giving a blow job is one of those things that women are never really sure if we are doing it right, or the way our partner likes. It requires some positive feedback from you, to let us know that we are rocking your world, or that you need a little more tongue action or suction. We never really know if you want us to suck your balls or just lick them...do you want us to slide a finger into your ass as we suck your cock or is that strictly a "no-go zone"? We've all had men tell us that such and such woman gave the best bj EVER, or that another woman gave the WORST bj ever...trust us, we do not want to be in that latter group! We really do want to be able to give you as much pleasure with our mouths as you give us with yours!

Again, as always...communication is key!! If you're a man that loves a hand stroke on your lower shaft as your partner sucks and licks the head of your cock then you HAVE TO TELL US! Because, men typically like more stimulation than women, we are often times too gentle in our handling of your member, for fear of hurting you. You might like a firm grip when we give you a hand job or a deep sucking sensation when we are giving you a blow job but we will never know that unless you tell us.

As for spitting or swallowing, that is a personal preference and should be respected. Personally, I love the taste of cum so swallowing to me is a natural conclusion to a blow job and my "reward" for giving you maximum pleasure. However, some women find the salty taste or texture of your cum objectionable and prefer to spit it out. Don't be offended, she might not want to drink it, but at least she is happy to suck you off to that point!! One thing I do think more women need to learn is that once you are cumming, we don't stop sucking....continue a slow gentle suck as your man cums and he will love you even more!

Also, if you're a man that enjoys anal play during your blow job then you should communicate this to your woman. You might even need to explain to her exactly how you like it, often women don't even realize that by massaging a man's prostate gland anally you can give him a much stronger and more forceful orgasm. She may prefer to use a toy such as a small vibrator if she balks at using her finger. You may also enjoy it if she holding a small vibrator at the base of your shaft as she sucks and licks the head of your cock, the vibrations will add the extra stimulation that you may be craving!

Giving or getting a blow job can be a pleasurable experience for both partners but communication is key. Once she knows exactly how you like it, you may find that she wants to do it for you more often...and that she enjoys it! So, now isn't the time to stay quiet...tell us what you want and give us a chance to rock your world!

Via Yany's EroticPics

Tie me up! Bondage 101

Bondage is a crossover in the sexual genre.  It can be mild play that normal lovers engage in occasionally to enhance their sex lives, or it can be part of Domination/Submission play or at its extreme a fetish. 

The bondage that most people are familiar with is of the more normal variety. Its the reason that fuzzy handcuffs became popular, because in a trusting relationship..a little bondage can be FUN!  You can give up control to your partner, and you basically get to lay there and do nothing but enjoy the action!  You can be tied down with a variety of items, everything from a man's tie to a woman's stockings...you can be blindfolded as well, or not.  This is typically a mild version of bondage and it is often experimented with by men and women equally.  At this point, both partners enjoy the teasing aspect of bondage play.  You can bring in props such as feathers or even administer a spanking as you see fit.  This is an excellent level of bondage if you want to try out a bit of domination/submission play without getting too deep into it.  It allows for a lot of communication and free play among partners and is a personal favorite of mine!

As part of D&S play...the submissive partner is almost always the one being subjected to the bondage.  This can be more intense, adding in actual restraints during this sexual play.  This is typically a form of "punishment" for the submissive partner.  Often a partner is tied up and left alone for an amount of time to build up the anticipation of the encounter. Also, at this juncture a partner may not only engage in bondage but also in the use of whips/crops/or paddles to up the level of "punishment".  This can be very pleasurable to both partners.  Sex at this level is typically intense and rough.  The bondee is at the "mercy" of his or her partner.  A Dominatrix usually operates within this realm, to give you an idea of the level of intensity.  However, a safe word is a must at this point.  This will allow the submissive partner to put an IMMEDIATE STOP to the action for any reason they feel is necessary.  I wouldn't recommend this level of sex play with anyone but a trusted partner. 

In the form of a fetish the bondage can get extreme.  It can be used at this point by either partner.  There are elements of control/punishment/pain and a sexual gratification that can be achieved by both partners at this level.  The bondage may include black out hoods that zip over the bondee's head, covering their eyes and usually with a built in gag and only nostril air holes.  The bondage at this point can also become extreme with multiple props...an example would be a spreader bar.  Which is a 2-3 foot wooden rod with attached restraints on either end that allow the bondee's legs to be spread then restrained.  Sometimes there is elaborate tying of the knots and not just purchased restraints.  There may also be items such a nipple and clit clips to up the pain ante for the bondee.  The bondee may actually be restrained standing, kneeling, laying, squatting or in more contorted poses.  This level of fetish requires complete trust with your partner along with safe words and signals that can be used if the bondee is also gagged. 

As with all sex play, communication is vital.  It is important to trust your partner and know your limits and boundaries.  Your partner should be very aware of what you do and do not enjoy.  Safety is paramount with bondage.  Personally, I would start with the mildest forms and then slowly work your way up as you and your partner are comfortable. 

So, buy a pair of fuzzy handcuffs..or break out an old tie (way to use up those birthday gift ties!) and see if a little bit of bondage is right up your alley.  The only way you'll know is to give it a try! :)

via Yany's EroticPics